I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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