This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
