He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
