I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
