the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
