marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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