xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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