So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
