Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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