now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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