Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
