Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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