so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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