I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
