I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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