Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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