A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
