My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
