I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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