I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
