I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
