I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
