So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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