just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
