You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
