these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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