let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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