put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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