My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize