dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
