i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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