Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
