Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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