Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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