I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
