i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
