We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
