i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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