At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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