So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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