i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
