Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
