i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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