so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
