Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
