the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
