Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I looked at my own cervix.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
