Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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