8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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