Me too!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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