he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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