Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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