I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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