hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
