She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
