I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
