who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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