so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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