How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize