Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
