Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
