And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
