I wish I only lived at night.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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