Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
