Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
