Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
