He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
